Over the main course of my life, foolishness and wisdom have both sought my companionship. I have come to prefer the latter.
And what more, 25 cohesive lessons have forged from our hard-earned friendship.
Twenty-five years on earth is no small feat. If you’ve made it this far, farther, or are still behind (you child), I hope there is something on this list that journeys with you and makes your life a fuller experience.
Let’s cut through đȘ
1. There is nothing God asks that isn’t morally superior.
I still have so many questions about God; many curiosities, many bonds to break to align with His way, but Sam Adeyemi once said (to paraphrase) â “If after serving God wholeheartedly, I got to the end of my life and found out there is no God, I would have lived a good life anyway.”
2. Our grandest mission is to become love.
And it is so grand, I know I’ll be working on it all my life. âLove is patientâAmife is not reallyâlove is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angeredâsorry Lordâit keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.â â 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
3. The words you speak become the house you live in.
Spiritually and mentally. If the weapons fashioned against us aren’t actual arrows, but words (Apostle Joshua Selman), we must create our own and continually prophesy them into our lives (in Jesus’ name) like a stacking of shields around ourselves. On the mental end, what we fill our minds with corresponds to our eventual experience of life. Build a powerhouse of thoughts and words that only uplift you and those around you.
4. Be utterly present.
Donât try to escape your life. Donât glorify phases youâre not in yet. Do not daydream, enjoy the Now. Donât let unlimited desires cloud your peace. It is perfectly healthy to aspire to being better but we were never called to aspire to happiness. What more, when you get something you want in the future, something in your present will surely be missing. That’s right, if you can’t have it all at the same time, why not enjoy the chapter you have today? One of my favorite books on the present is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Strongly recommend.
5. Strength train.
Strengthen your body specifically by building muscle. And eat healthy foods as often as you canâit’s a choice we need to be making naturally 80% of the time. This body is a temple, and the only vessel of human life on earth. Every time I get a health scareâyou know, that pain that Google is telling you is a symptom of a cancerous tumorâfor a moment, everything else in the world pales in comparison to my desire to be alive and healthy; strong into old age. So I do something about it while I still can.
6. Do not shake down your past.
Your past self existed in order to guide who you are today. No her, no you. No him, no you. Do not do something as unhealthy as judging old parts of yourself with new information. That’s bullying. As Toni Fifi put it, âa younger version of me was never going to do what Iâm doing today. Lamenting the things you didnât do in the past means that youâre finally ready to do them now. So, go do it.â
7. Donât let your thoughts consume you.
Living in the mind is something I did for a very long time (partly because I had Pure O traits). I thought I had to take care of every thought and solve every feeling. But they are temporary, and there are millions of them every day. Get out into the world. It is better to live than to consider living.
8. Life is a range of emotions.
And your enjoyment of itâeven success at itâis going to be heavily dependent on your ability to remain grounded when processing complex emotions like anger, fear, anxiety, frustration, grief, sadness, and so on. You will not be happy or content all the time, and you need not try to be. Gratitude is far more important. Thankfully, there is always something to be grateful for even when there isn’t anything to be happy about.
9. Be king over your feelings and emotions.
Feelings come and go. And when theyâre gone, youâre left asking yourself, “Who did I let myself become as a result of this feeling that wasnât even here to stay? What did I sabotage for a passing moment?” If you’re easily angered or triggered, you’re easily manipulated. I myself, I often feel like dwelling in my anger, sadness, madness, or displeasure and making whatever decisions I want in those moments but…not so cute. I like who I am better when I breathe in and out before reacting.
10. You canât control everything.
Making plans is like throwing dice…itâs the wind that decides where it lands. I like to just prepare many scripts and scenarios in my head because life doesn’t always go as planned. I used to be a big sulker when things did not go my way. Itâs reduced with age but Iâm still learning how to let go fast. If you donât leave spilled milk alone, sometimes another cup falls.
11. Serve others.
While I am the number one supporter of a life that prioritizes your progress, desires, and dreams, I know that it is all worthless if it isn’t used in helping and blessing others. When I look at the worldâs greatest problems, I canât help but feel drawn to ask myself: what will I contribute to make it better? From a global scale to my very own neighborhood?
12. You donât need to hang on to every relationship.
Actually, youâre probably better off without them. I came to find that what I often romanticize about past relationships is me (my energy, my commitment, my passion). Iâm the beautiful factor I love.
13. Cherish your friendships as they are.
If thereâs something missing in the friendships you have, odds are you need to find additional friends, not attempt to change the ones you have. You canât teach people how to walk you home, but you can cherish their company and seek more elsewhere.
14. Some relationships will only be formed when you start adding value to the world.
What if you started knitting tomorrow, since you say you love it so much and itâs your one true passion. And what if when you put your knitted work out there, you find people who knit and people who love people who knit, and you get the chance to enter rooms you would have never entered if no one knew you knit?
15. Love is not a settling game.
I do not have what one would call “practical advice” on this as I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. But I fully believe in waiting for the right life partner; that if youâre destined to have one, then the right one is out there.
16. Mistakes arenât a problem, they are the solution.
Failing is the only way to learn and make progress. In fact, for every lesson learned in this world, someone had to fall flat on their face first. When we read books, listen to others, follow formulas, we are able to use other peopleâs experiences to escape pitfalls in our own lives. But did you know there are lessons only you can teach yourself?
17. Prioritize your financial capacities.
You donât have to be passionate about how you make money at first. One mountain gets you to the next and sometimes the first mountain looks like boring stuff. The need for financial freedom and the ability to luxuriate in monetary comfort is absolutely undebatable. Prioritize making money earlier in your life (at all legal costs).
18. Place your passion and purpose at the forefront of your mind.
Take a step towards it every day. Granted, it takes a varying number of years for each person to figure this out, and even evolves as we grow older. But it is paramount to chase what you know is calling you. First, it is why you were placed here. Second, it is likely all you would be able to think about on your dying bed. If you die on a bed.
19. The best version of yourself is an approach to life, not an end result.
It took me years to realize that I am already the best version of myself. My standard? As long as I have good intentions and I rise when I fall, I am exactly who I want to be.
20. Look good even to the grocery store.
How you look directly corresponds to how you feel. You need to care about it. Iâm on an ever-evolving mission to develop my style and appearance into a power system that makes me feel like a million bucks at all times.
21. You create a happy life when you do the things you say youâll do.
There are few things quite as beautiful as the happiness of excellence. You have to build the habits. You have to be disciplined when motivation wears off. If you say you need more time before you can do this, you will get more time, and more pain. âI donât do what I feel and I donât do what I want. I do what I need.â
22. Think of everything you are often.
Less, all you want to be. No one deserves love more than the version of you today. Why do you reserve respect, passion, and admiration only for your future self as if it isn’t you who will become her? (Or him. Him. I always forget the boys).
23. A perfect life? That has never happened.
So really really loosen up.
24. If you tie your worth to age, itâll reduce every year.
I used to be so lost in comparing everything against time and age. My success, their success, my shortcomings, their shortcomings…but everyone is on a uniquely designed path. God wrote billions of storybooks and placed the chapters wherever He saw fit. You are not behind, you are in a different story.
25. Youâre not nobody just because you donât mean something to strangers.
It is so easy to get lost in the idea of being a main character in a world where nearly everything is digitized and your latest life update is only one network bar away from loading in everyoneâs faces. But remember that you already matter because you exist. There is nothing to prove. To be human is to be worthy.
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